Why am I single at 31?

I’m just about a month from my from my 31^st Bday and I am single.

Too often in the recent past, have I been asked this very question “Why am I single at 30+” and not by eligible charming men. Sadly. This one keeps hitting me in my face like a fucking accusation from losers who basically don’t a life.

So, I understand when the family wants to know, really. That’s ok. Coz’ I know however clichéd it might sound, the point is they have my best interests in mind and want me to settle down. I get it. And not that I don’t want the same. Damn –of course I do. I’d be kidding myself big time if I didn’t.

What has me completely pissed off, is when random fuckers pop this question and all I want to tell them is to take a hike. But I have realized that’s not going to stop them.

Don’t they get it - there's a huge world out there of interesting people who shouldn't have to condemn themselves to a two-person death sentence digging trenches so people don't wonder what's wrong with them.

Of course, the tragedy of the situation is that MEN do not have to deal with this bloody problem. I mean seriously, I know enough men who point blank are a fucking huge mess, but their friends and family regard their single status as proof of intelligence, patience and independence. He’s a man who doesn’t have elephantiasis or a bald patch, so clearly he’s single by choice. But for us women, suddenly the world is bloody ending and our life is useless or some vague shit like that.

So I can definitely count on being perceived as being too picky, too difficult, and too proud. I can count on people asking if I’ve considered some matrimonial site and if not, why not? And even worse, I can count on the news of my single status being met with the shock that usually follows when a Lord Ganesha idol is found to be drinking milk. Two things here: There is no such thing as an India deity drinking milk – its alcohol all the way, and I shouldn't have to take the time to explain myself to disbelieving mouth-breathers who refuse to live in a world where a reasonably attractive woman isn’t rolling her eyes at some fucking fat bloke aka husband, all coz’ she’s over 30. ideally!

A few home truths:

-          I do want to settle down

-          I am quite a romantic at heart, it’s true

-          I do get sad and lonely at times, quite often honestly

-          I do want to find Mr. Right and et all

It’s just that I’m so not going to settle for Mr. Good enough – I bloody well want and deserve Mr. Perfect / Right - well whatever he’s called nowadays. I am not willing to air kiss my way through life with a genuinely not-my-type guy simply because it’s time! Hell no.

I’m not being choosy or picky. And I’m not Scarlett Johansson either. I know. But then again, Deborra-Lee Furness got Hugh Jackman didn’t she! I’m just saying.

Anyway, coming back to the point – I am single at 30 - well almost 31. And that’s ok. It’s not the end of the world. So for all those schmucks who keep asking me this horrendous question, listen up coz’ I’m gonna say this only once and I bloody well hope you get the fucking point: some facts:

-          I am not single by choice. Although I am kinda enjoying singledom. It has its moments. Some that I will cherish for long. But I am not single coz’ I want to be so.

-          I am not the typical girl next door waiting for her Prince charming to arrive. This long wait forever where you go from being a girl to a woman and ultimately turn into an old fucking hag is depressing. I can’t be wasting my time when there are better things to do

-          I have been in love and in a beautiful relationship.  A 6+ year long relationship which goes to say much about me – not wanting to sound conceited. Just being honest. And it was a bloody good relationship all the while it lasted. Actually, till date the Ex and me share a damn good rapport

-          I am an independent and strong woman. Ok, so maybe a little on the aggressive side but that’s the way I am and I’m unapologetic about it.

So why am I single- I’ll tell you why?

-          I'm single because sometimes, things just don’t happen at the so called ‘right time”. They happen when the time is right for you. And when my time comes, I will stand on the top of my building and announce it to the world, i promise. Till then, stop asking why.

-          I am single most importantly because I have yet to find that one person who will willingly take me on for life with all my kinks and my baggage just as I will do so for him-thought I had found him but alas, some things are not meant to be

-          I’m single, because in this city called Mumbai where everything is possible, finding a guy who is not too full of himself or one who doesn’t begin a conversation with ‘commitment phobic’ is becoming impossible

-          I’m single also because I am the way I am - my bad. I say it as it is, no pussy footing. My independence gives men the impression that ‘Its fine to tell her that all we want is a fling coz’ she can handle it’.  I can handle it but there is a limit to it all

-          I am single and I quote ‘because I’m not simple’. Meaning – I have a voice, an opinion, men friends, whiskey and a past – all of which makes me complicated. ?

-          I’m single because if I drink and smoke, voila! I’m a bad girl. If a guy does the same, he’s cool and a good catch nonetheless. If I show cleavage, I want sex. But when a guy’s  jeans show more than we want to see, he’s’ just dressed comfortably

-          I’m single because I don’t need a man to take care of me in the traditional sense. But rather we be there for each other and make bloody sure that we don’t head for divorce in a few years due to irreconcilable differences  like old GFs on Face book chats, BBing in bed and no together time

-          I’m single because it’s tough to find a man who smells good, carries a white shirt and blue jeans well, does not have a paunch even before he’s 35, who can speak good English, has more to hobbies than play station etc. And, just to add a footnote – all these apply to me too. It’s not just me being a bitch

And I hope to have answered well. Coz’ the next time someone asks me why I’m single, I’m gonna say, "Because I haven't been lobotomized yet, you miserable moron”

I’ll drink to that!

'Some people go to priests. Others to poetry. I go to my girlfriends' – so said Virginia Woolf and I second that. If not for my girlfriends, life would have been quite depressing!

I can’t do without my gal pals – just calling them my friends would be a huge understatement.

First things first – we are not Facebook or gchat or BB friends. No dear sir – that’s not it. It’s so much more and thank bloody god for that. Not much I thank him for, anyway.

We have known each for a good few years – almost a decade now and from the looks of it we shall continue with our madness for as long as each one can down a good few glasses of wine – psst –we are bloody good at that too. -J

There’s a certain method to our madness and it’s all fallen into place so beautifully over the last few years that sometimes me thinks it’s just destiny. We’ve all been through our share of fuck ups but the beauty lies in how we have stood by each other through all the good & bad times.

And the surprising part is that if you ask me to pin point how and when or why we became such close friends, I don’t think I’ll be able to give you a definite answer. Neither have I ever tried to figure this one out. It’s a blessing according to me.

What I do know for sure is that I got a great bunch of gals as my pals and I’m grateful for that.

So, today I take this opportunity to thank my girls for everything. A tribute to them. Coz’ they deserve it. Totally and completely.

Here it goes: To each one of my gals who have made sure in one way or the other that I keep smiling: THANK YOU.

-       For all the lovely evenings and nights we have spent together laughing, chatting, drinking, dancing, bitching and what not. Definitely will make for good stories for your children.

-       For just being yourself. No facades, no ‘let’s meet up’ texts that don’t go nowhere but to the drafts folder. No sugar coating and saying things as they are. For being much much more than just BFFs. (I don’t think that word works for us anyway- like too new age and unreal)

-       For being beautiful, strong and lovely women who make me want to make mad mad plans for many many more years.  

-       For all the cockamamie but completely endearing games we have played and all the times at least one of us has been the butt of all jokes and at least one of has been drunk out of our minds.

-       For all our hair brained schemes on holidays, weekends, girly nights and much more, a lot of which have been possible.

-       For teaching me a lot about life & giving me gyaan – much of it has been very helpful – I’ll only say this once.

Sang – For being a pillar of sense and sensibility and patience when all seems lost,  at least to me. And that has happened quite often.

Also, for my darling pappaddum – I’m indebted to you, for every time that he smiles at me, calls out my name and shows his love I want to live some more.

Rubiks – For the beautiful person that you are, on the inside and on the outside. For showing me that true love can happen at any point of time which makes me believe that all is not lost.

For having a great husband who makes sure to give me honest advice and thinks I’m sexy.

Vino – For being the pillar of strength, determination and courage that you are. You are proof that it is possible not only to survive but also live a good happy life inspite of the universe conspiring against it. And, for living life to the fullest without any of my kind of negativity. I'm still trying to learn that from you.

For loving your sister and being her support system without holding anything back and being her pillar. Hats’ off to you girl.

Kali – For dealing with my maaaddd behavior and rantings and ravings for a whole year – a year which was the worst phase of my life. All given the fact that you met me just that year - what an introduction and scare I must have been! But you have stood by me through all that time. 

For being the beautiful person that you are, for calming me down, for showing me a different way of life and lots more.

Savvy – For making me smile, for giving me a reason to drink wine, for teaching me how to flirt (not that I’m a good student), for being my partner in crime on many an occasion, for some lovely holidays and drunken afternoons in the pool.

For believing that I have a sense of humor coz' I so don’t. For playing cupid all the time and doing everything you can to help me fall in love. For believing in me at a time when even I didn’t have faith in myself.  

Girls - most importantly though, for putting up with me: It’s not easy I know.  What with my screeching car chases, colorful expletives and madness.

·         For being there for me in my most trying times

·         For believing in me and giving me the strength to bounce back – they do say ‘To fall down and get back up is Human. To bounce back is Rocky’. -J

·         For accepting me in spite of my angry, OCD, control freaking self

·         For asking for my advice – risk it is, knowing how impulsive and scatter brained I can be.

Girls – there is so much to say and so much I will never be able to put into words.  

Uninhibited and naughty, being with you all is such an enjoyable, funny, honest and real experience that I never want it to end.

And, I’ll drink to that today and forever!!

Rock-n-rolla with Mr. Holmes

So, 2 nights ago I was reminded of when and how I fell in love with Robert Downey Junior all over again. And do not assume that the Iron man had made his mark.

Nope. Not true. It was Sherlock Holmes who did me in. Hook line and stinker.

So many things that worked for me when I saw ‘Sherlock Holmes’ for the 1^st time and was just reminded of all that more this time round. Of course, we must also credit our Director Guy Richie for this awesome movie.

That's why, I’ll begin with Ritchie and his penchant for making cool movies. Know of “Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels” and “Snatch”. Always about cool men, cool moves, the camera movements, massive crane shots, extreme special effects and of course a maddening pace and sequence of events that comes together so brilliantly at the end that there is no way you cannot feel his mind at work.

In his very own unique style, Ritchie has turned Holmes into a rock-n-rolla detective who not only plays mind games but also goes bare chested for fist fights. And what a sight that is – lord help me. But any way. Back to the point.

Ritchie keeps his usual stylistic flourishes in check for most of the film but lets them loose for a couple fight scenes when he slows the film down to show Holmes mentally visualizing his attack then replays it at normal speed as it actually happens. And including some incredibly tight shots and fast editing that leave you disoriented at times. The effect turns out to be brilliant, well at least I think so. Most of the fight scenes are text book Ritchie which is what I just love.

The pace of the movie rarely slackens, the sets are explosive, the backgrounds and setups are a treat, the Victorian London visually cracked to the T and the background score persistently booming.

The surprise package here is Jude Law, playing Dr. Watson. The moustache quite suits him. And while his character here is quite not as stuffy and prim as Conan Doyle created, he deserves much credit. To make his presence felt alongside RDJ who has the audience eating out of his hand pretty much from the start indicates pure talent.

The relationship between Holmes & Watson hints at being homosexual but they nail the chemistry so perfectly that it is one the most endearing parts of the movie. They squabble like a married couple at times and yet it is quite evident that they are inseparable. Which is evident when Holmes keeps trying to dissuade Watson from getting married.

And now, ladies and Gentlemen – Let’s talk about RDJ. I am as good as singing the song ‘Let's talk about..”.

This most quintessential of English characters being played by an American but so flawlessly that you can’t but love him. Loads of panache & spirit and add to that a spot on accent.

An seasoned drug abuser who lives in squalor and yet a master of martial arts & disguise, a brilliant detective who shows off his six pack with so much nonchalance that it makes you want to be him. The fight scene in the boxing ring just goes to show this complete insouciance that he brings on screen.

A constant hangover that presides over Holmes, yet never dulls his senses or skills.

Downey and Ritchie’s Sherlock Holmes is just too smart, too capable. He brings order to seemingly random events, he beats up guys twice his size, and he does it all just very easily. He's a man who hears, sees and remembers everything. So here he is in an over crowded restaurant, where he's almost overcome by the sounds of clinking silverware and conversation. You can practically feel his senses at work.

In the same scene, his verbal assault on Watson’s love interest goes from being charming to crass in a matter of seconds delivered so beautifully that one does not even register his insensitivity until the lady upturns her drink on Holmes.

Holmes here is like a chess genius, thinking 3-4 moves ahead and put together with the fabulous CGI, we have for ourselves a big winner.

Some argued with me post the release of the movie that RDJ was a tad too old for this role but he made it more than evident that he has enough boyish charm and tricks up his sleeve to pull it through successfully. And what a score.

I can go on and on but the bottom line is, I’m quite sure RDJ has earned himself a successful franchise with this block buster and if all goes well we shall be seeing him in action quite soon, once again.  

Of course, me thinks he’s earned himself 2 big franchises – Sherlock Holmes and Iron Man. I dig that suit ya. So bloody cool. But then again I dig the man so everything and anything about him works for me.

P.S. -  there is this old movie with Mel Gibson and RDJ called Air America. Must watch.

A thought..

I keep thinking I should write poetry             
But don’t really get going beyond that
I want to – should I say, dream a lot
That I figured, im not really good at.

I tell myself I should find me love
But love runs away, it’s scared of me
Walking ‘round with memories for too long
Sadly, beyond this I can’t really see

I have my days and then some nights
I was the happiest when at their side
But not everything that is, is meant to be
Something lived, but a lot of it died

Bye Bye Superwoman

When the going gets tough, the tough get going – that’s what I would tell myself every time my world fell apart. And shit happened so bloody often that somewhere I think I forgot to give myself a break.

And then I broke down. Completely. I’m still putting together the pieces, mind you.

It took me 16 fucking years to accept that I AM NOT SUPERWOMAN. I always joke about how I would love it. That I could be the female version of Wolverine. Bring out the steel claws and all. But truth is I’m not a superwoman. I’m just a woman (wanted to say regular woman, but I think some would contest that. I’ve been told I’m not regular or simple)

I got so used to being the dependable and responsible one, that I stopped giving myself any other option. So, I pushed myself into believing that there was nothing I couldn’t handle – how mistaken I was!

Last year Break Point arrived but I still didn’t give in. I kept telling myself, there is nothing to worry about. It’s all good. I did random, did stupid, did drunk, did mad, did everything I could – everything I shouldn’t have, because I was once again trying to prove to myself that I was all good. Bull shit. I did, but only to fool myself. I was running scared and didn’t know what else to do.

All it took was a low phase in my career, loneliness and my so called super powers put together to break me. I mean I’ve been through much much worse. And survived. But this time round I broke because I didn’t have it in me to survive and yet, I wouldn’t give in.

I’ve been trying to sort out my life now for the last few months or so. There was that one morning around 3 months ago, when I woke up and hated myself. It took all my will power and courage to get back on my feet and look at myself in the mirror that morning. I didn’t like what I saw. I was disgusted.

I don’t ever want to go back there again. So I accept now that I am not superwoman. I am just a regular somebody, maybe a nobody. And that’s ok.

Now I cry when I’m sad. I hurt when I miss my loved ones. I am lonely and I am sad a lot nowadays. I want to be loved and be taken care of. I want to be pampered – have breakfast in bed, be given flowers, not worry about bill payments, be happy and all such little things.

I am not perfect but i think i have done a decent job where my responsibilities and family are concerned. I should be proud of myself and that also gives me the right to be happy and expect happiness in my own life. I'm hoping it will come my way someday!

I don’t want to be superwoman but definitely want to be special. And I am ok with the fact that I cried even while I was typing this.

THE DEMISE OF ‘NICE’

That’s a nice dress

It was a nice movie

He’s a nice guy

Your shoes are nice.

The dictionary defines the word NICE as pleasing, kind and showing courtesy. And till some time ago, that was true. But somewhere along, I think that the word ‘nice’ has gone from having positive character to having no character at all.

Try thinking of all the recent times when you have used the word ‘nice’ and somewhere you will notice it was more often to be noncommittal and just border on giving a positive vibe rather than actually meaning anything else.  When we don’t want to say anything and yet have to say something, ‘Nice’ crops up.

I am seriously done with the word ‘Nice’. Of course, I have a personal war going on with this word, but that apart I have difficulty in understanding what people mean when they use the word ‘Nice’. It’s so vague and unrevealing that more often than not, I’m left with a huge question mark in my mind. Which pretty much doubles my anxiety and confusion (to some extent) since I’m left with having to try and figure out ‘what in the bloody hell was that nice all about’.

Now, if you were an artist, a poet, a chef, a designer, a writer, a painter, would you settle for your work to be described as ‘Nice’? I think not.

What would you think if you had just shared your 1st kiss with a guy you really like and he ends up saying ‘Oh that was really nice’?  You will flip over it and it wouldn’t matter what he meant because to you it means it’s nothing to write home about. I mean, you would be better off if he had made some satisfied sound like ‘mmmmmm’. But definitely not ‘Nice’.

And, if you pay close attention to the use of the word ‘nice’, you will notice that ‘Nice’ is almost always if not always followed by the word ‘but’. And the ‘But’ adds more food for thought than the ‘Nice’ did. More so, the ‘but’ has negative or not so positive implications. The ‘but’ actually leads to a definite point of view to the context while the ‘nice’ is a loosely used term with no meaning at all. It just gives the user a certain, often misplaced benefit of doubt. Abstract to a great extent.

Now, in my mind some of the reasons for excessive usage of the word ‘Nice’:

1.      Laziness – Let’s accept it - we are just too fucking lazy and ‘nice’ is the easiest and simplest thing to say. We don’t want to tax our brains (Of course, assuming that we actually use our brains at all)

2.      Limited vocabulary - One would think that with over a quarter million words in the dictionary, we can be more creative in our vocabulary. But I think, with most of us spending so much time BBing, texting, using short forms and slang etc, reading has left the building a long time ago, never to come back.

3.      We just don’t express our true feelings and enthusiasm everyday which leads to unimaginative conversation. Nonversation, as my best friend would say.

4.      It’s easier to be vague and noncommittal than to say what we really want to.

Thus, coming back to my point that ‘Nice’ no longer has any clear cut connotations to it. ‘Nice’ has become one of those socially accepted throwaway terms that actually gives ample cause for unclear thinking. It’s been overused to the point of being meaningless.

Simply put & correct me if I’m wrong, but if someone described me or you as nice, it would mean nothing to us, right? If at all, it would be considered to have more negative implications like boring, submissive even prudish than anything else.

Of course, anyone who knows me well would not use that term to describe me, but I’m just saying –NICE JUST DOES NOT CUT ICE, ANYMORE!

It's time to rant and rave!

Im new to blogging, but definetely not new to ranting. That's the secret to my sanity, some would call it insanity. But thats ok!
So, here it is. My personal list of things i can do without.

1. Being a facebook/BB/WhatsApp friend does not make you anyone's soulmate/ bestest friend ever and so on. Just putting up statuses that have 'xoxo' ' u r d best' liking everything etc does not make you special. Its quite annoying to see people expressing their undying love for others over Facebook. If you want to do it, pick up the phone darling. Go meet your soulmate. Tell him/her face to face. Means a lot more, don't you think?
2. It's so not cool when your jeans do not fit you well and pretty much hang from somewhere below the waist. I understand there is low waist, anti-fit, baggy fit and all that. But i'm saying it openly -i don't want to see your underwear. If you don't have flab all over you, if you don't have to keep hitching your jeans up every 5 mins to prevent them from falling and seriously if and only if you a body to die for, well then mayb i can think of taking the risk. But otherwise, stick to the basics. Wear jeans that fit well, wear a belt, don't show off your butt crack and save us all from an early death.
3. I want to get as far away as possible when i see women driving. And i do not begrudge men when they say that 'women can't drive'. Yes there are exceptions, but not too many. Women - figure out the left side form the right side, please. Don't fidget, comb your hair, ruffle through your never ending bag - just drive. If you won't drive above 40Km/hour, then move your fat asses to the left lane and stay there. If you can't park, then you can't park. Period. Women - make a choice - drive like your supposed to or stay away from the steering wheel.
4. So, the flight has just landed - Touchdown. And even before we have taxied into our slot, mobile phones have been switched on, seat belts off, people standing, pulling out hand luggage. Arrgghhh!! whats the hurry, may i know? It will take atleast 10 to 15 minutes to get going right?  There's no changing that. So why the queue? This not a train, let me make it clear. It's a plane.There is a difference.
5. To all those who didn't know - perfumes, deos, body mist, talcom powder - all of this and more is available everywhere. So use it. If you don't have body odor - well great. Use it just because its nice to smell good. And if you do have body odor (its ok-a lot of people do), well then just do us a favour and use deo or something. Think of it as public service.
6. If you chirpy and happy in the morning, good for you. Im not and never will be. Im not a morning person so stay away. Do not send me good morning text messages, forwards with thought for the day and such shit. I can do without it. I need caffeine and silence first thing in the morning - nothing else!
7. Do not assume that everybody today is a gadget freak and understands all those so called wonderful things your so called Intelligent phones can do. Do not make it the only point of conversation in a group. Most often there will be someone (like me for eg.) who will not understand jack shit of what is being said and pretty much want to kill you.

I can go on and on, but thats it for now.