I’m just about a month from my from my 31st Bday and I am single.
Too often in the recent past, have I been asked this very question “Why am I single at 30+” and not by eligible charming men. Sadly. This one keeps hitting me in my face like a fucking accusation from losers who basically don’t a life.
So, I understand when the family wants to know, really. That’s ok. Coz’ I know however clichéd it might sound, the point is they have my best interests in mind and want me to settle down. I get it. And not that I don’t want the same. Damn –of course I do. I’d be kidding myself big time if I didn’t.
What has me completely pissed off, is when random fuckers pop this question and all I want to tell them is to take a hike. But I have realized that’s not going to stop them.
Don’t they get it - there's a huge world out there of interesting people who shouldn't have to condemn themselves to a two-person death sentence digging trenches so people don't wonder what's wrong with them.
Of course, the tragedy of the situation is that MEN do not have to deal with this bloody problem. I mean seriously, I know enough men who point blank are a fucking huge mess, but their friends and family regard their single status as proof of intelligence, patience and independence. He’s a man who doesn’t have elephantiasis or a bald patch, so clearly he’s single by choice. But for us women, suddenly the world is bloody ending and our life is useless or some vague shit like that.
So I can definitely count on being perceived as being too picky, too difficult, and too proud. I can count on people asking if I’ve considered some matrimonial site and if not, why not? And even worse, I can count on the news of my single status being met with the shock that usually follows when a Lord Ganesha idol is found to be drinking milk. Two things here: There is no such thing as an India deity drinking milk – its alcohol all the way, and I shouldn't have to take the time to explain myself to disbelieving mouth-breathers who refuse to live in a world where a reasonably attractive woman isn’t rolling her eyes at some fucking fat bloke aka husband, all coz’ she’s over 30. ideally!
A few home truths:
- I do want to settle down
- I am quite a romantic at heart, it’s true
- I do get sad and lonely at times, quite often honestly
- I do want to find Mr. Right and et all
It’s just that I’m so not going to settle for Mr. Good enough – I bloody well want and deserve Mr. Perfect / Right - well whatever he’s called nowadays. I am not willing to air kiss my way through life with a genuinely not-my-type guy simply because it’s time! Hell no.
I’m not being choosy or picky. And I’m not Scarlett Johansson either. I know. But then again, Deborra-Lee Furness got Hugh Jackman didn’t she! I’m just saying.
Anyway, coming back to the point – I am single at 30 - well almost 31. And that’s ok. It’s not the end of the world. So for all those schmucks who keep asking me this horrendous question, listen up coz’ I’m gonna say this only once and I bloody well hope you get the fucking point: some facts:
- I am not single by choice. Although I am kinda enjoying singledom. It has its moments. Some that I will cherish for long. But I am not single coz’ I want to be so.
- I am not the typical girl next door waiting for her Prince charming to arrive. This long wait forever where you go from being a girl to a woman and ultimately turn into an old fucking hag is depressing. I can’t be wasting my time when there are better things to do
- I have been in love and in a beautiful relationship. A 6+ year long relationship which goes to say much about me – not wanting to sound conceited. Just being honest. And it was a bloody good relationship all the while it lasted. Actually, till date the Ex and me share a damn good rapport
- I am an independent and strong woman. Ok, so maybe a little on the aggressive side but that’s the way I am and I’m unapologetic about it.
So why am I single- I’ll tell you why?
- I'm single because sometimes, things just don’t happen at the so called ‘right time”. They happen when the time is right for you. And when my time comes, I will stand on the top of my building and announce it to the world, i promise. Till then, stop asking why.
- I am single most importantly because I have yet to find that one person who will willingly take me on for life with all my kinks and my baggage just as I will do so for him-thought I had found him but alas, some things are not meant to be
- I’m single, because in this city called Mumbai where everything is possible, finding a guy who is not too full of himself or one who doesn’t begin a conversation with ‘commitment phobic’ is becoming impossible
- I’m single also because I am the way I am - my bad. I say it as it is, no pussy footing. My independence gives men the impression that ‘Its fine to tell her that all we want is a fling coz’ she can handle it’. I can handle it but there is a limit to it all
- I am single and I quote ‘because I’m not simple’. Meaning – I have a voice, an opinion, men friends, whiskey and a past – all of which makes me complicated. ?
- I’m single because if I drink and smoke, voila! I’m a bad girl. If a guy does the same, he’s cool and a good catch nonetheless. If I show cleavage, I want sex. But when a guy’s jeans show more than we want to see, he’s’ just dressed comfortably
- I’m single because I don’t need a man to take care of me in the traditional sense. But rather we be there for each other and make bloody sure that we don’t head for divorce in a few years due to irreconcilable differences like old GFs on Face book chats, BBing in bed and no together time
- I’m single because it’s tough to find a man who smells good, carries a white shirt and blue jeans well, does not have a paunch even before he’s 35, who can speak good English, has more to hobbies than play station etc. And, just to add a footnote – all these apply to me too. It’s not just me being a bitch
And I hope to have answered well. Coz’ the next time someone asks me why I’m single, I’m gonna say, "Because I haven't been lobotomized yet, you miserable moron”
